6.04.2013

A Humbled Heart

As a child I had little, and I asked for little. I was forever grateful for generosity of others. I was humbled by their willingness to help in times of need; providing a safe refuge for the night, food the growling belly, and laughter during the times of sorrow. HE provided my needs through the helping hands of others. I never wanted more but always dreamed things were different.

I dreamed of a life where I wasn't someone's burden.  My heart desired independence.

And soon, independence was mine. I basked in the opportunity to be my own; to have responsibilities, to live the life I wanted, and to provide for myself. Before long, I had all the freedoms of an adult, and I was paving the way to the life I had dreamed about.

Unfortunately, I soon discovered that it too came with it's hardships. I had never considered that as a child. I always assumed that people that looked to have it "together" were. As an adult, I found myself wanting more and becoming the selfish person I had never dreamed of. I began making my opinions known without processing the degree to which they came across to someone else. I began to blame others for my failures and most times it was at the cost of those I loved most.

Ironically, here I was at the best possible moment of my life thus far, and I was unhappy. I had such an ungrateful heart. I had forgotten the humbled spirit I once was.

As I have spent the past weeks reflecting and reading, my eyes have been opened to my selfishness.

I had the realization that the happiest people of this Earth are the ones that have little left to loose. They are the ones that have little and ask for little. As I read Kisses for Katie, this was even more apparent. These children had little to loose but so much more to live for.

I am having to relearn that putting stock into things that give nothing isn't worth the effort, but putting energy into people gives more than the heart desires.

And I desire for the humble heart I once had.

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