4.05.2009

Boone Gloom

this was my drive home on thursday, and that wasn't the worst part!
boone has been in a constant state of gloom. therefore, i have been in a constant state of gloom.
i haven't been very hungry. anything that i eat doesn't satisfy me.
i feel lonely. i feel i have too much to do but i have no concern for doing it.
a funk... that is what they call it. all i want to do is sleep. i am so tired right now and all the time.

maybe, i need love. the kind of love that burns your heart. the kind a love that gives you goose bumps and makes your stomach feel funny. i need to laugh, laugh really hard. i need to hang out. i need to build friendships, good ones. i have a hard time making good friends. i set expectations to high and then get disappointed when they don't meet them. they are human. i know this, but i feel that friends are ones that are always there. they are the ones that make time. even though i don't make time :( maybe, i am the bad friend. it is a hard time in my life trying to delegate my time between school, school work, work, family, brandon, and friends. There never seems to be enough time, enough sunshine, enough happiness.

jeez! i am ready for this to be over with. i want the next step of my life to come. i want my sister to come home. i want micah to know who i am. i don't want a long distance relationship anymore. it certainly has its good values that i am learning everyday, but it gets too lonely. whatever happened to date night? time happened. there just isn't enough time. i want to have time for me. i want to start a new hobby. making jewelry? i want to spend more time with grammal cleo. i want my sister to introduce me to new foods. i want a friend to go to church with. i want to make cards for people to show my appreciation. i want a new job where i don't have to deal with crazy anal high maintenance people. i want to bring my Schwinn bike up here and ride it on a pretty day with the sunshine warming me from the breeze. i want a new life with the perks of my old one.

i need a new me.

1 comment:

Brandon said...

Just hang in there babe, you really only have 1 more semester left of that and it could be worse...

Cheer up! :)